I happened upon an article in "Psychology Today, "
"Understanding the Sociopath: Cause, Motivation, Relationship" by Seth Myers, Phys.D
Dr. Meyers makes interesting points regarding the sociopath, their functioning and attitude. For those of us who have been victimized by a sociopath the devastation they cause is horrific, the following is an excerpt from the article:
"Ultimately, the sociopath typically emotionally destroys those who are close to him or her, but the sociopath destroys them in a way consistent with their unique approach to others: They take them out like your average person kills off characters in a video game. Those in the wake of the sociopath suffer because they have the liability sociopaths don't: actual human feelings that stem from a deep sense of social obligations to others, a moral anchor that is supposed to be part and parcel of having relationships.
The sense of entitlement that comes with sociopathy is astonishing to those who abide by the social laws and conventions of our culture. Where does the entitlement come from? It stems from an underlying sense of rage. Sociopaths feel deeply angry and resentful underneath their often-charming exterior, and this rage fuels their sense that they have the right to act out in whichever way they happen to choose at the time. Everything is up for grabs with sociopaths and nothing is off limits.
In relationships, sociopaths are the epitome of Machiavellian creatures. If they were astrological signs, they would be Geminis, with two distinct 'selfs' at work. They are duplicity incarnate, with a polished self shown to the world and a covert, hidden self that has a rigid and calculating agenda: assume the highest level of the social hierarchy and win, win, win. It is often the kindest and most trusting individuals who suffer the most at the hands of sociopaths, and the healing process for these individuals continues long after the relationship has ended. Those in the wake of the sociopath are often left wondering, What happened to me? Why does this one individual have such a powerful effect on me?
In the media, I'm often asked what causes sociopathy. "Are they born this way?" is one of the most frequently asked questions. The truth is that we don't know. Stout (2005) sums up the research well, explaining that as much as 50% percent of the cause of sociopathy can be attributed to heritability, while the remaining percentage is a confusing and not-yet-understood mixture of environmental factors. (Notably, a history ofchildhood abuse among sociopaths is not always present.) Similarly, Ferguson (2010) conducted a meta-analysis and found that 56% of the variance in Antisocial Personality Disorder, the formal disorder of sociopathy, can be explained through genetic influences.
I'm hard-pressed to say that I have vast reservoirs of empathy for the sociopath. At the same time, to see the life trajectory of a sociopath, it's hard to not feel sad that the sociopath has an existence that separates him from the vast majority of 'normal' people. They often end up in prison and never truly know what it feels like to love and trust. Just imagine what that existence is like, not just for a week or month or summer, but for life. Do they even know what they're missing? No, but they live in a constant state of hypervigilance, viewing the world in a sterile, game-like manner. They have no real attachment to anyone."
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| My sociopath, Clarence Robert Hunt, III A chameleon who makes himself into whatever he needs to be to destroy his victims |
This describes Bob to a tee, his complete lack of trust in others, his use of others to satisfy his wants and desires. His pointless attacks on others for sport. The calculating, cold and uncaring ways in which he sought to destroy others, especially me.
The interesting correlation between genetics and antisocial/sociopathic personality disorder links directly to Bob's family. His brother exhibits all the traits of a sociopath, so does his father. The difference with Bob was always that he masked his pathology so well by playing the defenseless victim that people actually felt sorry for him. I was, in fact, very sorry for Bob's life and his life story. How much of that story is really true no one knows. What we do know is that Bob used his charming, affable, caring persona to victimize others in sadistic ways.
Should I have seen it, yes. Why didn't I see it? I didn't see it because he was so good, he used emotional blackmail so well, and tears so well that being a kind and caring person there was o way for me not to be sucked into his deceit.
Initially Bob's pathology was not clearly evident to me. There were red flags that would give me the occasional clenching of my stomach at things he would say or do. Over time his pathology worsened and began seeping like waste leaving a cesspool. Over time he lost much of the ability to hide himself from others. It was then that he retreated to the double life, a new set of victims or consorts that he kept quiet about, a new set of unsuspecting victims being manipulated by stories of victimization.
The stories of victimization and abuse by me got Bob sympathy. They got him safety, safety to begin to victimize the very people he had conned into believing his story. In the final stages, before Bob left he had already been planning his escape and setting up new victims. His parents, he said to me not long after he left and had been lying to me about staying with family in Huntsville, Alabama, "they have money, you can tell," he was never in Huntsville, he was in Monroe, Georgia with his parents, he was commenting on his parents. I shuddered when Bob told me this, he was casing his own parents, what could he get. The sad shame is that his parents have no idea what their son is capable of doing. Bob has tremendous rage at both his father and stepmother. Rage that therapists who have seen Bob say could eventually be homicidal.
Whomever Bob is involved with in Savannah at this time has something Bob wants, he does not become involved with anyone for the aspect of having a friend, it is for personal gain. He has scoped out what he can get and he has laid a trap, a deceitful dangerous trap.
If the involvement is with Keith Allen Kelly, (whom Bob says has nothing) then Keith is in terrible danger. Bob transfers all of the negative in his life to whomever he is involved with at the time. In time Keith Allen Kelly will be the target of all the wrong Bob feels he has suffered in his life. He will become violent, if he has not already, he will become abusive, physically, emotionally, financially, sexually. It may be that all Bob is seeking from Keith is to control him, in my estimation that is part of his victimization anyway. I am sure Keith is not a bad person, I am sure Keith is desperate for love and he seems to cling to anything or one that give him notice.
The most scary thing about Bob is the decompensation that he has gone through. He has become more calculating, sinister and violent as he has aged. When I was first domestic violence advocate Bob scored very high on the lethality index. For those who have never heard of it, the lethality index is a measure of an individuals ability to deadly.
For those who would like to read the full article, here is the link:
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