My Responsibility to Others. The Moral and Ethical Question

Last night I finished "The Sociopath Beside Me" it was a great little book.  It left me with a burning question.

For years I protected the sociopath in my life, I supported him in a delusional way, my delusional way.  I stood by as time and time again Bob repeated the same behaviors, created the same hurts, created the same mistrust, created the same chaos in mine and other peoples lives.  I never divulged the pain I was in, If I did it was fleeting and I would close up again, believing in my state of denial that everything would be alright.  22 years of believing everything would be alright.  As we know, "alright" never came.  "Alright"
 never existed, it didn't exist the night I met Bob.  It didn't exist during the first phase of our relationship and it most certainly didn't exist through the many years we were together.

I was asked while still living in Savannah by a friend who worked for the health department who had told me her fears about Bob's manipulation, if he was pedophile.    Of course I told her I didn't think he was although the thought had crossed my mind having seen instances of deviance.  I think I did not honestly believe he was that sick, that coupled with my horror of the word and the actions the word conjures made me sick and feeling unclean.  In my world pedophilia is among the most heinous of crimes.

Several years ago Bob and I were visiting a friend, her sister was in town from San Diego with her two small sons.  The boys were, I believe five and nine at the time.  The boys were dealing with severe family dysfunction and hated their father for his abuse of them and their mother.

That day I saw something that scared me, that made me stop wondering, the situation led me to think that if Bob was not now actively seeking out children that natural progression might lead him there.

Bob sat on the sofa next to the oldest boy.  He sat close to him, his arm stretched around the boy but on the back of the sofa. I think in retrospect I felt chills.  Bob talked to the boy with caring and concern, I don't even remember what they talked about, all I remember is that feeling of being very uncomfortable with seeing the interaction.

When we left and were driving home, Bob made a statement, a statement that gave me great concern. He said, "that boy is gay, I know he is and someone needs to help him."  For the remainder of their visit I would be busy if asked to stop by, I would make up excuses to not be around those boys.  I didn't want Bob around those boys.

A large portion of "The Sociopath Beside Me" deals with the shock, horror and melting away of the denial state, the state that tells us our perception are wrong, that we are imagining things, that it is us not them.  I read in horror as the author described her husbands pedophilia, the progression of it and his descent into the worsening of his behavior.

I have looked the other way for so long.  I believed it was me, for so long.  I believed it was an illusion for so long.  I made the conscious decision to disbelieve.

My question is, to what degree am I responsible for protecting others from the evil I have experienced?  Am I responsible to be the oracle, the warning system to alert those of the dangers they face by interaction with the evil I experienced?  Am I responsible for outing the sociopath?

The ethical and moral me says that I must not hide the truth any longer, that I, me must stop the insidious madness so that others are not hurt.

My 22nd Anniversary would have been today...

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I have been asked why...

I have been asked why, why are you doing this?  This is, in its simplest form, unloading my feelings about my relationship with Bob over the last 22 years.

In a deeper sense this is about my understanding.  Understanding why I fell in love with Bob.  Understanding why I  chose not to pay attention to the situations that spoke volumes about what the future would bring. Understanding Bobs sick need to play such horrible games with people’s lives.  Understanding my need for Bob to get better, understanding my need for wanting Bob to have a better life.  Understanding why I didn't listen to doctors much earlier when told Bob was not going to improve, that I should understand he would get worse, much worse.

Last Thursday night I was having dinner at Ivy’s with a group of friends. I was recognized by the first physician Bob and I had in Indianapolis.  He came to the table to ask how I was;  I was with a group of fourteen so I excused myself and moved away from the table to talk.  He put his arms around me and said, "You did everything you could, you know that". I just looked at him, tears welling in my eyes.  He told me he had heard that Bob had skipped town owing a lot of money, he knew about the shoplifting, he knew how seriously ill I had been.  He went back to the time before Bob left in 2008.  I remember the day I sat sobbing in this man’s office because Bob was unraveling again. He told me that day to leave, get out.  He told me that he had refused to see Bob because nothing was going to help him.  Over the year after he stopped seeing this doctor Bob went to at last three different doctors, all discontinued treatment, all for the same reasons. Nothing was going to help, not love, not support, not stability, not caring, not medication, nothing, nothing was going to help Bob.  Everybody saw the seriousness, but I continued on thinking it would get better, it got much worse.

So, when I am asked why I am going over it all again it is because I need closure.  I was told not to expect closure from Bob, which will never happen.   I have asked Bob many times to talk so that we can close our relationship.  He  would only say, “We will someday.”  It is to late now.  I know that Bob thinks everybody else is to blame, he always has.

In putting this to paper I am releasing it,  I am gaining a better understanding of the why and how things came to be.  In the past two weeks I have met some incredible people, people who have suffered through and come out the other side of the manipulation deceit, fear and isolation the sociopath creates.  Its funny, Bob used to repeatedly tell me that nobody liked me, when he left I had maybe five friends on Facebook, today I have I have many.  Those people  like me, enjoy me and count me as a good friend, a well intentioned friend.  When Bob left I had a Twitter account,  now I have three. For the first time in a long time I am me, the guy that got marked and lost his life, his whole life, to a sociopath.

So, when will I stop? I can't answer that, it will end when it ends. This is process, a process I must go through.  I've been told its going to be painful. So far the most painful thing has been the realization and acceptance that the person I loved and knew was incapable of love, was an illusion, a chameleon that changed as he needed to satisfy himself.

Will I ever forget what has happened, no.  Will I ever forgive what has happened, no.  Will I ever be able to tell Bob I love him and hope he has a nice life, no.  Will I ever trust anything Bob has ever told me, no.  I thank everyone who has taken the time to view these entries. For now I will continue, knowing that I will make it to the other side.

This is a wonderful quote from an amazing woman, it is fitting for all that is my world now ...

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

― Maya Angelou

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Hyper Smash

A Great Blog

I received a nice message from positivagirl at http://datingasociopath.com/2013/05/22/dating-a-female-sociopath/?replytocom=1045#respond


This website is invaluable, it has given me insight and helped me to understand the denial process I was under and the things I dismissed in dealing with my sociopath;


Hi Drewe, I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond. How harsh it is when somebody cruelly rips away your world, and then leaves you with nothing it is so hard to rebuild your life. Do you have friends and family around you for support? Or was that taken away from you too? I am sorry to hear your story, and will add it to the my story page. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. There are millions of people who have been through the same thing. If nothing else, despite he left you dependent on him, you can at least have peace of mind now. There is no more abuse. From this, there are can only bring healing this is not a reflection on you, or your self worth. I understand PTSD. I was diagnosed severe chronic which took me years to come out of the other side of trauma. That alone can be difficult to cope with.

Morning, thank you so much for the reply.  It is interactions with people who "get it" as my dear friend Jenni White (Director of Adult Services at Coburn Place in Indianapolis) says.

It has been a terrible road to go down.  At first 22 years of "stuff" flooded over me.  I was able to hold it together in the beginning  but over about two months I began to crumble.  I had been isolated from everyone and everything, he made sure of that.  I was completely alone when he left.  I had my first hospital admission in November.  I had five admissions in three months, the last was the most serious.

The losses I am dealing with are difficult.  Of all of the losses, the one that has been the most difficult was the loss of my dogs.  I had the option of sending them to a shelter that would make sure they were safe and I could have them back when I was ready.  The only problem was that they would not guarantee they would be kept together.  I sent them with a "friend" to Louisville who promised to keep them together.  Instead, he lied to me and gave them away  and split them up.  Those animals were my life.

Writing is helping, therapy is helping.  No contact has been a good thing, it has allowed my true feelings to come out.  Finding your blog was a great help, so much, all of what I have read has given me insight and validated the way I feel and the way I have been treated.  It mirrors my life.  Bob knew that.  He posted on Twitter that I was doing it to hurt him, typical sociopath.

I was never worried about my physical safety.  Everyone else was, but not me.  I was fearful when Bob was out of control and psychotic, but in general no.  I think it was, I know it was my denial.  Several months ago I attended a meeting hosted by a man here in Indy that has opened a treatment center for drug abuse and serves those with HIV.  He made a comment that turned on a light in my head.  He said that HIV/AIDS patients function with a distinct level if denial, it is what allows them to function on a daily basis.  It allows them to create as much normalcy in their lives as possible.  I found the comment could 

apply to me, my situation.  My denial allowed me to function while Bob was still in my life.  While it was not optimal functioning and eventually was a negative for me, it kept me on a level of functioning most of the time.  I also was not as adept at recognizing the pathology.  While I was, at time concerned about the anti social aspect of Bob's behavior, I never connected it with being a sociopath.  Perhaps that was my denial also.

Bob took anything and everything that meant anything to me.  He took friends, he did that by playing the victim and painting a dour picture of me so that my relationships would falter.  He took "things" from me.  He took my self worth, my self esteem from me.  I was continually "gaslighted" told I was imagining things, told I was sick and the one with the problems.  I was constantly beaten down by a sick sadistic predator.

I have been fortunate to make friends, but I tread lightly and trust is a huge issue for me at this point.  I am learning to trust my intuition again, if my crazy meter goes off I remove myself and have no contact with people who trigger my uneasiness.  

I am at a critical stage where all of the past is beginning to make sense.  I am replaying the the last 22 years with Bob, it, at times seems so unreal, like a bad movie.  I remember sitting last summer with Bob, he wanted to watch "I love you Phillip Morris."  I sat and watched the film becoming more and more uneasy.  I was watching my relationship with Bob.  A sick sadistic relationship that made me nervous and scared. I remember going to bed that night, looking at Bob, holding my dogs tight and being afraid of the future, afraid of the past, it was all making sense.  I remember the feeling of hopelessness, the feeling of being trapped with someone who was crazy and unstable.  I knew I needed to get out, I didn't know how.  I am now able to look back at that time, that very difficult time, I had doctors and therapists telling me to get out, to save myself.  My denial was still strong and allowed me to function.

I am at a critical stage where the severity of Bob's personality has become clear to me.   A sharp, undistorted, crisp view, I liken it to a beautiful morning with a shimmering blue sky.  That view scares me.  That view puts fear in me, fear for my safety, fear of Bob, fear of Bob's family.  I am not entirely convinced that Bob will not continue to try and harm me.  I maintained contact to make sure he was far away, a safe buffer zone; but again denial played a large part, Bob has lived up to every expectation I had of him, at points I knew, others were quick to see, not me.  I am scared because I understand how twisted the relationship is, or was, and I know from my work that it never truly ends until someone dies.   I hope that is not me.

I had in the beginning I been in contact with The Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project in Boston.  Initially there was concern over my physical safety and plans were discussed to relocate me.  As my physical health deteriorated from stress it was thought best for me to stay near the doctors who were treating me.  I am, again, faced with the prospect of relocation.  My dearest friend lives in Savannah as do others I know, however, Bob is there, making a return to Savannah impossible.  Another case of his allowing me to be alienated from those who care about me.  

I am sure Bob will continue his assault in some way.  The issue is how? I have begun to out him and sociopaths don't like to be outed, it makes them angry.  In outing him I am hoping that my story will reach those he is setting up for victimization now.  He is, as a good sociopath, constantly scoping out empathic people to destroy.  

I hope we can have a dialog, I don't want what has happened to me to happen to another human being, ever!  I know that it will, but if my story is told and others see it and internalize it then someone, even if just one someone can be helped then it has been for good'

I am reminded of a topic we discussed at a meeting to create an action plan for domestic abuse in Indianapolis.  During the afternoon the participants, many from service agencies discussed the "Re-victimization of the victim," I had never thought of the concept. But it is very true and very real as is the trauma.  The difficulty is that the "system" continually re-victimizes the victim and adds to the trauma, until that is fully understood by providers, police, the courts, and the public, victims don't have a chance

Again, thanks for the kind words and concern, it means alot to me. www.hypersmash.com

A Family of Sociopaths.......

In 2003 Bob was arrested in Savannah,  Georgia for soliciting a police officer for sex at a boat ramp on East President at the intracoastal waterway.  This was a notorious hangout for gay men, still is,  I think and is listed on several sites as a pick up place or a place to have sex, out on the trails, sick indeed.

When Bob was arrested the kind officer allowed me to pick up the car Bob drove, which was in my name, so that I would not suffer by having it impounded.  When I arrived to get the car Bob was sitting in the unmarked cruiser, shaking and white as a sheet.  I looked at him with complete and utter disgust.  The officer looked at me with complete understanding, it was if he knew the tortured pain I was feeling.  He took me aside and we talked about what had happened, I didn't want to hear it it made me ill, disgusted.  He, like others told me this behavior never stops.  It hasn't and will never for Bob

For me Bob had committed the unthinkable, a sex crime.  A crime so heinous that I could not even talk to him.  all he kept saying was I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  I did not believe him.  To This day I am sure this was not the first time, to this day I am sure it was happening many years prior, ever since we had moved in together.

I took the car home that day, I was devastated at Bobs behavior.  I was devastated that I had to ask a neighbor for a ride to the Boat Ramp  someone I did not know, someone I did not know had to see this disgusting spectacle.  Someone I didn't know was judging me by the company I kept.

Bob and I had a contract on a home in Bluffton, SC.  That very morning we told the management company we were not going to renew our lease.  That very morning I was at peace, things were good, life was good.  Bob had a new job and I was thrilled.  This changed everything.

Bob spent three days in the Chatham County jail, he would call me hysterical asking me to help him, there was nothing I could do for him.   The issue was that in 2000 Bobs brother, Richard Thomas Hunt, http://www.bustedmugshots.com/georgia/lilburn/clarence-robert-hunt/30532182  was arrested in Gwinnett County Georgia.  When Richard Thomas Hunt was arrested he used Bobs social security number and drivers licsense number.  When Bob was arrested and his background run the police found existing warrants, many of them,  for his brother but it looked as if Bob was the one with the warrants.  Such a nice family.

Roberts https://www.facebook.com/bob.hunt.7524?fref=pb&hc_location=friends_tab father had paid to get Richard out of Gwinnett County Georgia so he would not have to go to jail again, you see the father is as bad as the children.  Well balanced parents would have made sure the child paid his dues for bad behavior.  Not the Hunts, obstruction of justice comes naturally to them. The Hunt Family, is above all things balanced, all social norms (more on that another time).

I was loss for what to do, a loss for how to handle this, another crisis. I called Bobs father and asked him for help.  His initial response was no.  I don't know that I blame him, Bob was definitely a flight risk.  Eventually Bobs dad did post bond for Robert, his bond was $10,000.00  Savannah does not look kindly on sexual predators.

I was still in my codependent mind frame, believing that Bob was acting out because he had been dealt a raw deal.  It never occurred to me that Bob was a sociopath, not until later anyway.

I was in a dreadful place, my friends were horrified and never wanted to see Bob again.  They didn't want their children around him, to them Bob was a sexual predator and potential pedophile.  I now suspect that Bob is probably a pedophile.

In my terrible place I called a friend at the Chatham County Health Department, Sharon Varn,  I was sobbing on the phone.  She immediately came to me with Gene Hall a pastor.  We talked about what had happened and what was best for me at this time.  Both agreed I needed to see a doctor to get on medication to calm me down.  You see, at this stage, the years of stress created from the manufactured drama that was Bob, was beginning to take its toll on me.

The next day I was seen by a great doctor in Savannah, Jeff Schyberg.  He spent a lot of time talking with me about what had happened, he constantly checked on me by phone.  You see, it was clear to everyone else that I had a very sick person, Bob, in my life.  People were, as they have been recently, gravely concerned for my safety.  They were especially scared after seeing me, the shape I was in, battered emotionally and physically.  Bob had beaten me the night he got out of jail when I asked him why he did what he did.  I asked to many questions, I wanted answers, lots of answers.  What I got was a severe beating from Bob.

I stuck very close to Sharon Varn from the health department, Gene Hall and Jeff Schyberg.  Sharon had me speak to a friend of hers who is an episcopal minister (gay) in Thunderbolt, a section of Savannah.  He had been through a similar situation with a partner over the course of many years. His advice was to place a tracking device in the car to monitor Bobs movements. He also told me to get the hell away from Bob.  In my state of denial as to the severity of the problem I scoffed at the idea.  In retrospect I should have done just that.

Eventually Bob would see Jeff Schyberg.  Bob was put on Zyprexa to stabilize his mood.  It helped with the mood and calmed him down. It helped the violent behavior that was emergent.  The drawback for Bob was weight gain.  The drawback was also that co-workers started to tell Bob he didn't need the medication.  A friend of Bob's, a co worker he listened to, Sheila Fortner is to be blamed for Bob not getting the help he  needed at that point.  Sheila had a hold on Bob, a very negative, almost predatory hold and he listened to her.  Sheila still maintains that hold.

Eventually Gene Hall would meet with Bob.  I had hoped that Gene's very kind, concerned demeanor would help Bob and that Gene would be able to penetrate and help Bob see his behavior.  Gene told me that and I quote, "Bob is never going to get it!"  It was everyone's opinion that Bob was not going to take responsibility for anything, anytime.  In my denial I still maintained Bob was a victim, that is what he had always presented to me.  I was sure there was some deep underlying reason for Bobs behavior.  There was but I did not want to face what it was.  I do think deep in my soul I knew.  But I still loved him, not the Bob with abhorrent behavior, but the Bob  that was sweet, loving and kind.  It never occurred to me that this was an illusion, a manufactured self with a deep predatory, sadistic monster living inside.  An individual with no conscience.  An individual with no sense of right or wrong.  An individual with a grand sense of entitlement.

I don't know if Bob was ever arrested again, it is possible that he was and I never found out.  I do know that the attorney who represented him got stuck for the services, Bob never paid him, you see Bob never pays anyone.

Bobs brother Richard  https://www.facebook.com/Rickth1969/about lives in Ohio, where he went when his father shuffled him out of Georgia.  He is "ordained" as a priest in an obscure sect of the catholic church presumably  He is as bad as Bob.

For years Bob would not talk to Richard, he is now friends with him on Facebook.  I often wonder if the father and the two sons and possibly the step mother Patsy Goza Hunt https://www.facebook.com/patsy.g.hunt are a crime ring. 

Today it is still hard for me to look back and see all the times that I should have ended my relationship with Bob.  But every time I would get to a place where I would be ready Bob would charm me and I would stay.  What I find baffling is that he played this game with me for so many years, I think his pathology is so severe that he functions to hurt others.  As long as he could continue to hurt me his game did not have to end.

Today a list of all the people Bob has had contact with has been compiled by the authorities.  It was compiled to protect me, to protect me from someone very unstable, someone who is physically violent.  I remain connected to those who protect me, I have no choice.


HyperSmash.com

There is a great website, http://www.sociopathworld.com  while I was looking around I came across an article about getting the sociopath to leave.  Here is an excerpt:

"The truth is that you and your sociopath have formed a symbiotic relationship. You may think you owe him nothing, but the relationship matters to the sociopath in ways you cannot guess or understand. You may think the sociopath respects your boundaries, but the sociopath will not be sympathetic to your assertions of your needs. The sociopath does not have or respect boundaries. The sociopath has his needs, too, and will fight to make sure that they are met. You do not want to get into an all-out fight with a sociopath when the sociopath feels like his survival is threatened. You will lose.

With a sociopath, the best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to poison the well so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being contrary, without being openly defiant. If the sociopath likes to go out, develop a preference for staying in. Stop bathing. Focus on work. Pretend you're tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don't fight back. Say "I don't know what's come over me." Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. This may seem very passive-aggressive, but after about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of his basic needs, and will see you instead for what you really are probably a weak-willed whining sissy."

The ironic thing is that this excerpt details my behavior over the last number of years.  In much the same way Bob created my dependencay on him I let him.  I became dependent upon him, but I also didn't feel much emotion towards him in the last stages.. I felt less emotion when I found the masturbation videos he'd been circulating on twitter and facebook and who knows where else. Honestly, who knows how many were made, I'm sure there's more of them in existance.   

I now know that it was this behavior, this sleazy, rauncy behavior was in fact his way of finding a new victim.  He had already decided to leave but knew he had to stay until he had a check from his lawsuit against Value City Furniture (more abouot that later).  He was putting himself out on twitter and other places to find a place to go.

What I find funny is that in his controlling me, my every move, my life he created his own downfall.  You see, he is an emotionless creature and is not capable of empathy.  What he had created was someone who no longer cared, who no longer tried and asked him for help, help he was unable to give because he is incapable of kindness or responsibility.  All he knows is how to suck people in with lies to make them feel sorry for him. 

Once you are in his grasp he will begin the process of bleeding you dry, first money, then emotion and he uses sex as a means of control, witholding it if you anger him and forcing himself if he feels he is no longer in control and has to regain you.  The violence comes as a response to his being challenged.

The more his grasp slips the more unpreditable, violent and manipulative he becomes. 

I happened upon an article in "Psychology Today, "

"Understanding the Sociopath: Cause, Motivation, Relationship" by Seth Myers, Phys.D

Dr. Meyers makes interesting points regarding the sociopath, their functioning and attitude.  For those of us who have been victimized by a sociopath the devastation they cause is horrific, the following is an excerpt from the article:

"Ultimately, the sociopath typically emotionally destroys those who are close to him or her, but the sociopath destroys them in a way consistent with their unique approach to others: They take them out like your average person kills off characters in a video game. Those in the wake of the sociopath suffer because they have the liability sociopaths don't: actual human feelings that stem from a deep sense of social obligations to others, a moral anchor that is supposed to be part and parcel of having relationships.

The sense of entitlement that comes with sociopathy is astonishing to those who abide by the social laws and conventions of our culture. Where does the entitlement come from? It stems from an underlying sense of rage. Sociopaths feel deeply angry and resentful underneath their often-charming exterior, and this rage fuels their sense that they have the right to act out in whichever way they happen to choose at the time. Everything is up for grabs with sociopaths and nothing is off limits.

In relationships, sociopaths are the epitome of Machiavellian creatures. If they were astrological signs, they would be Geminis, with two distinct 'selfs' at work. They are duplicity incarnate, with a polished self shown to the world and a covert, hidden self that has a rigid and calculating agenda: assume the highest level of the social hierarchy and win, win, win. It is often the kindest and most trusting individuals who suffer the most at the hands of sociopaths, and the healing process for these individuals continues long after the relationship has ended. Those in the wake of the sociopath are often left wondering, What happened to me? Why does this one individual have such a powerful effect on me?

In the media, I'm often asked what causes sociopathy. "Are they born this way?" is one of the most frequently asked questions. The truth is that we don't know. Stout (2005) sums up the research well, explaining that as much as 50% percent of the cause of sociopathy can be attributed to heritability, while the remaining percentage is a confusing and not-yet-understood mixture of environmental factors. (Notably, a history ofchildhood abuse among sociopaths is not always present.) Similarly, Ferguson (2010) conducted a meta-analysis and found that 56% of the variance in Antisocial Personality Disorder, the formal disorder of sociopathy, can be explained through genetic influences.

I'm hard-pressed to say that I have vast reservoirs of empathy for the sociopath. At the same time, to see the life trajectory of a sociopath, it's hard to not feel sad that the sociopath has an existence that separates him from the vast majority of 'normal' people. They often end up in prison and never truly know what it feels like to love and trust. Just imagine what that existence is like, not just for a week or month or summer, but for life. Do they even know what they're missing? No, but they live in a constant state of hypervigilance, viewing the world in a sterile, game-like manner. They have no real attachment to anyone."

My sociopath, Clarence Robert Hunt, III
A chameleon who makes himself into whatever he needs to be to destroy his victims

This describes Bob to a tee, his complete lack of trust in others, his use of others to satisfy his wants and desires.  His pointless attacks on others for sport.  The calculating, cold and uncaring ways in which he sought to destroy others, especially me.

The interesting correlation between genetics and antisocial/sociopathic personality disorder links directly to Bob's family.  His brother exhibits all the traits of a sociopath, so does his father.  The difference with Bob was always that he masked his pathology so well by playing the defenseless victim that people actually felt sorry for him.  I was, in fact, very sorry for Bob's life and his life story.  How much of that story is really true no one knows.  What we do know is that Bob used his charming, affable, caring persona to victimize others in sadistic ways.  

Should I have seen it, yes.  Why didn't I see it?  I didn't see it because he was so good, he used emotional blackmail so well, and tears so well that being a kind and caring person there was o way for me not to be sucked into his deceit.

Initially Bob's pathology was not clearly evident to me.  There were red flags that would give me the occasional clenching of my stomach at things he would say or do.  Over time his pathology worsened and began seeping like waste leaving a cesspool.  Over time he lost much of the ability to hide himself from others.  It was then that he retreated to the double life, a new set of victims or consorts that he kept quiet about, a new set of unsuspecting victims being manipulated by stories of victimization.

The stories of victimization and abuse by me got Bob sympathy.  They got him safety, safety to begin to victimize the very people he had conned into believing his story.  In the final stages, before Bob left he had already been planning his escape and setting up new victims. His parents, he said to me not long after he left and had been lying to me about staying with family in Huntsville, Alabama, "they have money, you can tell,"  he was never in Huntsville, he was in Monroe, Georgia with his parents, he was commenting on his parents.  I shuddered when Bob told me this, he was casing his own parents, what could he get.  The sad shame is that his parents have no idea what their son is capable of doing.  Bob has tremendous rage at both his father and stepmother.  Rage that therapists who have seen Bob say could eventually be homicidal.  

Whomever Bob is involved with in Savannah at this time has something Bob wants, he does not become involved with anyone for the aspect of having a friend, it is for personal gain.  He has scoped out what he can get and he has laid a trap, a deceitful dangerous trap.

If the involvement is with Keith Allen Kelly, (whom Bob says has nothing) then Keith is in terrible danger. Bob transfers all of the negative in his life to whomever he is involved with at the time.  In  time Keith Allen Kelly will be the target of all the wrong Bob feels he has suffered in his life.  He will become violent, if he has not already, he will become abusive, physically, emotionally, financially, sexually.  It may be that all Bob is seeking from Keith is to control him, in my estimation that is part of his victimization anyway.  I am sure Keith is not a bad person, I am sure Keith is desperate for love and he seems to cling to anything or one that give him notice.  

The most scary thing about Bob is the decompensation that he has gone through.  He has become more calculating, sinister and violent as he has aged.  When I was first domestic violence advocate Bob scored very high on the lethality index.  For those who have never heard of it, the lethality index is a measure of an individuals ability to deadly.

For those who would like to read the full article, here is the link:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201304/understanding-the-sociopath-cause-motivation-relationship

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